It’s 10.30 pm, and I just put my daughter to bed. There’s laundry to be washed and folded, some work to be done and packing my daughter’s stuff for childcare before I wrap up for the night. It’s also the last 10 days of Ramadan, and I’m exhausted.
Before I became a mum, my Ramadan looked very different. I used to be able to do tarawih prayers consistently, learnt about the meaning of the Qur’an on Bayyinah, and documented my progress in a Ramadan journal. But now that I’m in my second year of motherhood, I’ll be honest - I can barely do anything after I’ve completed my tasks for the night. My daughter might wake up again just before I sleep or after sahur if I’m lucky (thanks to her little teeth growing).
I can’t help but feel guilty that I’m not doing enough spiritually this Ramadan - seeing others attend classes to complete the Qur’an this Ramadan, attend classes to improve their recitation, go for nightly tarawih prayers at the mosque.
I brought this up during our recent Hello Ramadan live show, where we talked about the role of women in Islam. I shared that although I’m aware that looking after my daughter is a form of ibadah, my heart still yearns to do something more during Ramadan. Ustazah Amalina shared some really helpful tips on what I could do, which assured me. Here’s what she shared:
1) Everything we do is ibadah
It may be hard to accept that we cannot accomplish everything, especially goals that we may have during Ramadan. However it is important to remember that Allah SWT ranks mothers on the highest tier. He knows the pain we go through, and he supports us through it all. Looking after our kids, our parents, our in-laws, these are all part of our deen too.
2) It all boils down to your level of comfort
Understanding and acknowledging your limits and what you are going through and doing your best is important. Therefore, it is important to change our mindset if you think that what you do isn't enough ibadah. Be comfortable with what you’ve achieved, and be proud.
3) Inculcate small habits
Do little actions to advance your deen. There are times when you may feel too worn out to perform significant acts of worship, like finishing the Qur’an or performing the entire Terrawih. It’s perfectly fine to feel exhausted. You should put your attention on continuously carrying out little acts that can improve your deen, such as reading one or two pages of the Qur’an each night, engaging in zikr, or even just listening to one episode on Bayyinah TV each night. These simple things help you will keep you striving to be better and involved and keep you striving and involved.
We pray that Allah SWT would lead us all to the right path and that you will find these suggestions useful. I hope that if you’re reading this, know that you are not alone. Because as Humairah (@thebookjacket) puts it: "Even though your Ramadan is now very different, know that He still loves you."